What You Need to Know about Mentoring Middle Schoolers

Published January 2025

By: Chrissy Leech, youth author

Highlights:

January is National Mentoring Month, and with the start of a new year, it is important to think about getting involved in supporting the next generation.
Over the last three years, I’ve been a mentor or supported mentors in the Young Women Leaders Program (YWLP).
In this post, I share tips on what I’ve learned in mentoring relationships, and more on what you need to know to mentor middle schoolers.

Source: YWLP

The ﬁrst question I am often asked by new mentors in the Young Women Leaders Program (YWLP) is “what do I actually need to know?” Some new mentors spend years serving as a camp counselor while others have only spent time around younger family members.

Regardless of one’s past experiences, I have found that most people willing to dedicate themselves to a year-long program already have the foundation to become a kind, caring, and competent mentor. But there is always a learning curve when working with middle school girls or other mentees, and these are the most valuable lessons I’ve learned over the years:

Your mentee will see everything diﬀerently!

In my ﬁrst year as a mentor, I quickly learned that middle schoolers view “closeness” completely diﬀerently than mentors. Mentees view it as spending time with their mentor, while mentors think it depends on the content of their conversations.

Everything is about trust!

As a mentee, their entire world is school and routines, and mentors quickly become a part of that. One of the most important things a mentor can be is consistent because it can take time for trust to grow. Trust from a mentee is hard-earned but can be easily broken if they feel they can’t depend on you.

Show up for your mentee!

I mean this both literally and ﬁguratively. Your time with your mentee should center around them and their needs. Mentors should be able to model vulnerability for our mentees, but the roles should never be reversed. For mentors, it can even be a comfort to set your own troubles aside and completely focus on being present with someone else.

Expect them to act their age!

Working with middle schoolers is both challenging and rewarding. You can’t predict if they will be in a particularly silly or serious mood that week. They can be completely aware of the happenings of the world but also have a desperate need to play on the swings outside. Mentees can be very honest people who have not yet learned the meaning of the word “tact,” so it is critical to not take anything too personally.

There is no one way to be a mentor!

Every mentee needs something diﬀerent, and every mentor has unique strengths. Some mentees will want to immediately reveal everything about themselves, while others will never want to leave their friends’ side. It’s not uncommon for a mentee to seem distant for months until they decide to open up to you seemingly out of nowhere. Let your mentee guide the direction of the relationship!

Mentoring is all about meeting your mentee where they are. A “successful” relationship looks completely diﬀerent for everyone. If you have an opportunity to be a mentor to a young person or middle school girl, think of it as a chance for you to grow as an individual because your mentee will have so much to teach you. Ultimately, it’s vital to never lose sight of your purpose, but I have found that it can be equally useful to keep a volleyball in the trunk of your car!

If you have any comments or questions about this post, please email [email protected]. Please visit the Youth-Nex Homepage for up to date information about the work happening at the center.

Chrissy Leech is a graduate student at the University of Virginia studying Public Policy. She spent three years as an undergraduate at UVA working with the Young Women Leaders Program (YWLP) supported by the Women’s Center and Youth-Nex. She served as a mentor for one year and as a group facilitator, supporting other mentors, for two more years. In the future, she hopes to work on education policy in local and state-level school systems.